Nutty as a Fruitcake!: by Tina Clinefelter

The late, great Johnny Carson joked that there was ever only one fruitcake and it was just passed around to a different recipient each year, but I tend to disagree with him as I know a number of people that have actually eaten some and liked it!

I like it too if it contains NO candied fruit peel, and has been well cured with brandy!

As you might suspect, the Romans had a hand in the birth of fruitcake which they whipped up during the Saturnalia celebrations; their recipe consisted of a mix of raisins, pine-nuts and pomegranate seeds in a barley mash base. Progress was made in the Middle Ages when honey, dried fruits and spices were added to a bread dough and through the years our modern fruitcake has emerged in many differing guises; textures can range from light to dense, fruits may vary to what is readily available, and the amount of fruit used results in ‘cake with fruit’ or ‘fruit with cake’.

A typical recipe for fruitcake contains some, most or all of the following ingredients: butter, sugar, eggs, flour, baking powder, chopped nuts, chopped, dried fruit (apricots, figs, cherries, raisins, currants, cranberries etc.) and brandy. Using a heavy-duty mixer (the batter is very difficult to mix by hand), combine all the ingredients, pop into the oven and bake for a very long time at 300 degrees.
After the cake cools, it is stored, up-side-down in an airtight container and is ‘fed’ brandy once a week until Christmas (you need to make the fruitcake in early November). If anyone is interested in attempting this seasonal delicacy for next year, I have a much more detailed recipe at hand and will be delighted to share.

Now for some more fun-filled facts about Christmas cake, as the English call it:
In parts of Europe, in the dim past, the making of fruitcake was restricted, by law, to Christmas, Easter and weddings. I’m not sure what the penalties were for possessing and consuming fruitcake at non-legal times of the year, and I’m equally not sure how they checked on the citizenry to bust a chap for nibbling on fruitcake out of season – fruitcake cops? I wonder if the law is still on the books…

The English Christmas cake is made in a round pan (not a loaf-pan), and is upholstered in marzipan (almond paste) before being completely covered in royal icing. The marzipan was to prevent the icing becoming discolored by the cake. I detest marzipan so it became necessary to peel off the icing, and scrape off the almond junk before I could devour the icing which I adore. I once made a proper Christmas cake – it took me months – first the cake, then a lengthy search for marzipan, then days making pink royal icing roses. I proudly presented the family with my creation only to discover that nobody liked fruitcake – must have been a genetic abnormality…

I’m thinking of trying it again next year – twice in a life-time would be a personal best!

You may have noticed that this column is not about gardening – I’m all gardened-out for this year – so I will close with another non-gardening comment:
Why is it that so many people have not heard that, by law, one should turn on one’s headlights when one turns on the wipers? Guys in pick-ups are the worst offenders! Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!